Premarital therapy is such an important element of preparing for marriage. Think about it this way: when you are issued a driver's license it is required that you log in "Behind the Wheel Training" in order to receive your license. We agree to this California state law because we believe that practice is important. We must learn and know what precautionary steps to take, how to be safe, and how to keep others safe when operating a vehicle. The same is true for marriage. Most couples go into marriage blindly, not realizing that there are many things that can be learned and practiced to secure their marriage as well as contribute to marital satisfaction.
Here are the top 10 reasons you should go to counseling before saying "I do":
1. Statistically, you will have higher marital satisfaction
Couples who underwent premarital counseling before their wedding had a 30% higher marital satisfaction rate to those who did not attend counseling before their wedding. (Health Research Fund Statistic)
2. Premarital Counseling is only a fraction of your wedding budget
The average cost of a wedding is close to 25,000 (in San Diego it's 34,000). Counseling for an average of 8 sessions is only 1-5% of that total wedding cost. Remember to include counseling as part of your wedding budget.
3. Have a marriage more beautiful then your wedding day
Most things that you purchase for your wedding day are perishable outside of photography and a cinematography. The benefits, tools, and connection that you gain from premarital counseling are all things you can take with you into your marriage far past the wedding day.
4. Learn to love as an action rather than a feeling
Most people fall in love and marry someone because they believe that person can make them happy. The problem is there will be many seasons in your marriage that you are not happy, and possibly no longer "in love" with your spouse. Premarital counseling teaches you how to anticipate these seasons of marriage and how to choose to love your spouse even when you don't feel "in love".
5. Beat the divorce statistic
It is no secret that the divorce rate in America is close to 50%. This fact leaves most people believing that marriage is a coin toss. The truth is, marriage is anything but a coin toss. There are many things you can do to damage-proof your marriage and bring that percentage way down.
6. You are not the only ones impacted by a healthier marriage
A healthy marriage... leads to... a healthy family life... which leads to... healthy children ... which leads to...Your children's healthy marriages and families... which leads to...generations of families beyond yours that live into your legacy of having a healthy marriage and family...which leads to...A better and healthier world.
7. Unwind together
You get the opportunity to connect during the busy and often stressful wedding season. Taking time to recenter when you are busy can be a hard thing to prioritize. However, during this time, it is critical that you make time for each other. It is good practice for how you will make time for each other during the busy seasons of your marriage. Often my couples will make their weekly premarital therapy session a part of their date night/date day plan. It's the perfect way to unwind and focus on each other and your relationship.
8. Learn to be a decisive couple
Recently, an article from the New York Times discovered that one of the greatest strengths of happily married people is their ability to be deliberate about discussing and processing life transitions together. They found that couples that just let inertia take them through life transitions are less satisfied in their marriages. Read the article here:
9. Predict possible areas of needed growth
While it can sometimes be scary to talk about issues that are present in the relationship, counseling is an opportunity to predict the weaker areas of your future marriage and create a plan to prevent such issues from coming between you and your future spouse. Through discussion and a survey test we will be able to predict those possible areas of growth for your marriage and spend extra time on those areas during your time in counseling.
10. Learn how to connect deeper and fight better
We need 3 things from our spouse in order to feel connected to them. We need to feel like they are attentive, responsive, and engaged. Conversely, our spouse needs to experience these same 3 things from us in order to feel connected. When we don't feel attended to, responded to, or engaged with, we often are left feeling alone and unimportant to our significant other. In therapy, you will learn how to transform a moment of disconnection into an opportunity for connection. In addition to learning how to connect deeper, you will also learn how to have productive disagreements that will actually benefit your relationship rather then hurt it. A relationship without arguments is a relationship with a lot of secrets.
If you have any questions or would like a free 15 minute phone consult with a premarital therapist at CULTIVATE contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org or inquire below.